Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
