if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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