It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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