when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
