Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
