I can text with my tongue
You smell like stripper and shame
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
