Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
