The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
