yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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