you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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