i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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