OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
even my farts smell like vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
two words: eviction party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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