Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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