everyone is single if you try hard enough
operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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