Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
