Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
