I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
