What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
