You're so nebulous sometimes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
