I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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