You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize