? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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