My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I just sharted jello shots
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