just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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