new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
