Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
