I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
