Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
