am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
