Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
