when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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