Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
