put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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