My hand turned me down
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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