drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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