there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
