believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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