GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
