if only i could text you this smell
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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