its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
