Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
