ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
