Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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