THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
