Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
