Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
