Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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