Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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