Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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