During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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