You just made me feel so damn special
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
