I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
