I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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