The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
