Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize