From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
