Cold hands, warm shart.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
