i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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