My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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