It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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