Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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