Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
