so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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